What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

Except for whatever I put in this blog post, of course. Sin City is one of my favorite places to people-watch. And I mean, spend every day and night belly up to the streets of Las Vegas Blvd with an adult beverage in hand just watching the people walk by. You get everyone (and thing) in Vegas, it is fascinating.

I have been there too many times to recall and have stayed at all the places on the strip. Some super fancy ones because work was footing the bill and some super dumps, well, because I was 20 something and on a budget. But the best middle-of-the-road place I continue to repeat stay at is the princess castle. I know most people hate the Excalibur because of the sexy Thunder from Down Under residency, or the fact that is smells like your Grandma’s house throughout the entire casino, or the unattractive carpet leading you to the hidden arcade on the lower level (you didn’t know that was there?!). I LOVE IT! Because…

1. It is for average, middle-class folk like myself who want to stay on the strip, but not spend $350 a night just to sleep and shower.

2. There is little-to-no pressure to look smoking hot when you leave your room, which is what I feel when I stay at Bellagio and MGM.

3. The pool is recently renovated, open year-round, heated and service right outside. Not to mention that you can get a chair to lay on no matter who you are – no need to rent a cabana for $1,000+ with bottle service like the Cosmopolitan or Caesar’s Palace.

4. The hotel might be a little dingy, but it gets the job done. It connects to the tram, walk-ways right into New York New York and MGM and while it is on the strip, it is far enough down that cars can still come/go to the airport without traffic no problem.

5. There is a casino, restaurants, snack shacks, shopping, fitness center, spa etc. Just like all the other options.

I am done selling the Excalibur, they aren’t paying me.

Las Vegas can be handled one of two ways, and one of the ways I actually never have partaken in. My kind of Vegas is food, drink, dance repeat. I will play the occasional slots or roulette but nothing to write home about. Sure you can gamble away your life savings, accidently hook up a with a stripper and owe them all the cash in your wallet (do they take venmo these days?), get so drunk that you believe them when they say it is tylenol and then not wake up for three days…OR you can do Vegas Middle Seat Etiquette-style.

See.
Fav: A tie between Celine Dion at The Colosseum at Caesar’s and Backstreet Boys at Zappos Theater at Planet Hollywood.
Least fav: Britney Spears and that one circus show I fell asleep in…Ka at MGM.
Comedy and magic are always safe bets.

Watch.
Fremont Street. I truly enjoy my every experience here. ‘Old’ Las Vegas is the best. You get everything from a woman in a wheel chair accepting money to take a picture with her XX sagging boobs that measure over a foot long, to a ‘bad santa’ who is smoking, his you-know-what exposed and a cigarette in mouth. You can gamble in the famous Golden Nugget or not finish your burger at Heart Attack Grill and get paddled in the butt live on the internet. They have live music at multiple stages, a zip line overhang and some photo-esque street performers.

Eat.
All-you-can-eat buffet and unlimited mimosas/bloody brunch – The Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan
Cheap eats – Pin-up Pizza at Planet Hollywood, Shaq’s Big Chicken (if you have car), garlic knots from the New York Pizzeria in New York New York
Nicer, yet affordable – sushi at Koi or a mango chutney burger at Burger Bar (both in Planet Hollywood), Five50 or Sage at Aria, FIX or Jasmine at the Bellagio

Drink.
Cocktails are flowing in Las Vegas. I mean, flowing.
Spanish Steps outside at Caesar’s
Rose. Rabbit. Lie. in the Cosmo
The Dorsey at the Venetian
And if you are up for trusting a robot to make your drink: The Tipsy Robot

Dance to a DJ.
Hakkasan at MGM
1 OAK at the Mirage
XS at Encore (outdoors, so think twice before going in winter brrr)
Marquee at Cosmo
Omnia at Caesar’s Palace

I did NOT like the service, attitude or non-existent fire escapes at TAO or Drais, but I am just one gals opinion.

Eat again.
All the chains are there too, for those of you not from the States or feeling really unadventurous – In-N-Out, Shake Shack, Chili’s, Sugar Factory, Lawry’s, Grand Lux Café and N9NE or the Linq off the strip, but kind of on the strip, has a slew of eating options. Visit the hidden pizza place at the Cosmo, but you didn’t hear it from me.

Don’t forget to do all the things if you can get passed the grandparents flicking the hooker business cards in your face –
High Roller ferris wheel (buy a drink before)
New York New York roller coaster (take some ibuprofen before)
Tilting thing at the Stratosphere
Hug the yellow M&M guy
The water fountain show in front of the Bellagio
Alive, real flamingos at the Flamingo
Sadly the weird pirate show is no more at Treasure Island
I hear you can take a helicopter day ride to the Grand Canyon, too

Go more than once, there is just too much to soak up in one trip. Don’t go to Vegas for more than 3 nights, just trust me on that one.

Friendly reminder that the middle seat gets both armrests.

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