I’ve been to New York a few times now, but this U.S. Open (tennis) trip in particular led me to some new, interesting findings. If you want to be treated like a New Yorker, you’ve got to act like a New Yorker.

1. It’s soda, not pop.
2. ‘You white’ means you’re pretty.
3. If you don’t have garbage on the street, your business is not doing well.
4. Two slices means cheese only, don’t attempt to choose toppings. Also, if you want to embarrass yourself, ask for parmesan.
5. They don’t sell crab rangoon in Chinatown.
6. $320 goes pretty fast when trying to win a stuffed reggae banana from carnival game criminals at Coney Island.
7. Lady liberty doesn’t like gum. Well at least she doesn’t like you chewing it while on her pedestal.
8. Maria Sharapova is too old to play tennis.
9. The metro God picks and chooses which lines to run and when – and you are not allowed to ask said God prior to your Airbnb departure that day if you will need an hour detour to get to your destination.
10. Dark or light at McSorley’s. Don’t ask for a drink menu. Dark or light.

Friendly reminder that the middle seat gets both armrests.